Over the years I have done so much research pertaining to the baby making process. Specifically on how in the hell to get pregnant. Like I said previously, I guess I am doing it wrong. During my searches, I have found things like what to eat to boost fertility, what foods to avoid, the best sex positions to conceive; the list goes on.  But let me tell you, there are also some weird shit people do just to have a baby. And I am just about desperate enough to try some of them. 

  1. Wearing socks- Now, this one isn’t so weird. The concept is “Warm feet, warm uterus”. However, the logic behind this is poor circulation can fuck with the fertility process. If your feet are warm, then the blood stays moving. I personally hate having hot feet. I live in south Texas where we only have winter 3 days out of the year and the rest of the time it is hotter than hell. Literally, it feels. We are in the beginning of summer and I want to wear flip flops. Not run around with my feet all hot and sweaty. But, for the sake of keeping my uterus warm and toasty, my feet are covered in the most colorful socks.
  2. Eating pineapple- Again, this one isn’t so bad. Pineapple has the bromelain enzyme that helps embryos plant themselves into the lining of your uterus. I just so happen to love pineapple, so eating it everyday will not be a problem.
  3. Fertility gems, crystals, and stones- I don’t really think this is weird. In fact, I am actually in the market for fertility stones, symbols, and jewelry.
  4. Baboon piss- You’ve got to be kidding me, right? There is no way in hell I am drinking urine from a baboon. But, if you are crazy enough to try it, the level of hormones found in the urine is supposed to help boost fertility.
  5. Piercing your left nostril-This is supposed to act like acupuncture and improves blood flow to the uterus. So, for those of you rocking this, congratulations, you are one step closer to becoming a mommy.
  6. Put egg whites in your nether regions before sex- Egg whites supposedly act as a cervical lubricant and helps the sperm get to where it needs to go. I don’t see how this is healthy or hygienic.
  7. Put your panties on your roof- You are supposed to throw your underwear on the roof of your house during a waning moon, only to retrieve them during a new moon. I’m not sure I understand the point of this one. Isn’t it kind of difficult to make a baby with your underwear on? Not to mention, the fact that they have been on your roof, in changing weather, with bugs and birds, and bacteria. Do you really want to put those on?

There are so many other tips and tricks out there that make me question the sanity of people. But if it works for them, then great. Maybe some of these will work for me?

Don’t knock it ’til you try it, right?

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